Take me back

I can't breathe... Please get your hands off from around my neck!

Please why are you doing this? I cried out aloud

His face was an  inch from mine. His usually kind blue eyes, had turned to a steely cold and angry grey. 

He was angry, no he was mad with rage. Red was the colour of his face, his blonde hair gelled back stayed in place, not a single strand moved out of place in this man's rage. 

Again I appealed to him to calm down;

'Kevin? Please what is the matter? Can't we talk about this? '

"Listen you little little b**h, just shut the hell up!

Just the sound of your voice is enough for me to choke the life out of you. ..

I should have kicked your little Asian ass all the way back to where you came from when I had the chance.

Now look at the mess you have gotten me into...arghhh'

Without warning he landed a punch that hit my temple and sent me flying half away across the room, along the way I crushed through a table and some chairs and landed awkwardly on the floor but painfully all the same. I did not lose consciousness but I was hazy. I did not try to get up. More than the pain was the humiliation of my dress coming over my face and leaving almost naked. Even though I had slept with this man before, I felt strangely embarrassed at him seeing my near naked body and lace lingerie.

He stood there, I can only guess shocked by his own actions or by the force of the punch; I could not tell which.. 

His hands went into his hair...breaking the neatness of that gelled hair! 

He staggered backwards! 

"I'm finished! I am done for!

Chapter two

On the floor as I gather my scattered wits.. I am trying to think hard why I am on the floor and why my throat and my temple hurt so much!

I recall the childhood fights I had with my brother and I could fight and my brother and I usually fought to a standstill. 

I am Asian, diminutive in stature, 5'4" and my brother was barely 5'8". 

This American was a giant in comparison: 6'5" and built like a road train. It was clear that he had played a lot of sports in his younger days. So what chance did I have with him?

You see Kevin was my immediate supervisor, the head of R&D  in our automative energy solutions engineering organisation. 

Not only was he my immediate boss, but one time lover. 

I had worshipped the ground this man walked. I found his intense blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair ( with occasionally streaks of grey) and boyish face very charming. But what I loved the most was his quick thinking brain and intuitive ways he solved even the most complex of problems.. 

Now that I was his problem... How was he going to solve me???

My name is Zaria, I was born in West central java in a village called Banten. My rise to senior in charge of software, programming and logic controls was not easy. I was only 26 and consider, Kevin my boss, was close on to 43. 

My journey from humble beginnings in west Java to high tech, high rising skyscraper in New York had not been easy to say the least. 

Some of my colleagues even suggested I slept my way to the top.

I understood this well enough; I an Asian immigrant woman, young and very attractive, if you believe what most men said to me, should not be in this office. In fact in this field and running a department with at least 30 guys reporting to me. 

I could see where the rumours would start, they just could not see how my hard work had put me on a much faster track to success than them. 

It was easier for them to gossip and say I f**k my bosses brains out... Until given promotions..

Well they can say what they want...as I know the lights usually never went out of my office and our biggest innovations came from one of my breakthroughs.

Chapter 3 : why I am on the floor

Kevin, having let the red mist descend, calmed and spoke to me while facing away..

"Why did you have to give the dossier to Marc Rich?

You and I could have been very wealthy individuals if you had listened to me...why Zaria? I thought you, you of all people loved me...why?

You didn't have to start this. In the first place when you made the discovery of the rogue code...you should have come to me first?"

I had not noticed he was in tears, his hands on his head..

'Now with any luck, the least I can expect is 15 years in jail and the most 25!" 

All because of your stupid meddling!!!'

You as a woman. A stupid woman should be in the kitchen... Or having babies.. 

No you should not even have this job. You should be a maid...for my wife and I. A nanny. A nanny! 

His voice rising and his anger returning.. 

I have been screwed by a Nanny.. A stupid Asian Nanny... "

I said:

" I was only doing my job as I was paid to...

I never once thought you would try sabotage our own work our own invention so that you could enrich yourself and betray others who had put so much hard work an effort into making this a success"

I don't think he hard my last words because he had picked up a chair and thrown it straight towards me I covered my head and a crashed on top of me bruising my fore arms. 

He ran towards me and aimed a kick at me. I screamed as I saw blood flowing from my face. Another blow landed on my rib cage.  

"Argh you stupid b**h I will kill you if it is the last thing I will do!" 

The punches started to rain on me.

On the 12 floor, it is late at night and there is no one about.. And I think this truly is the end of me.. 

"Please someone help me! ' 

It was a whisper.. That is all I could manage.

Just then.. Kevin is pulled off me and as he tries to attack me again... Is given a solid punch that sends him crushing to the floor. He doesn't even get up...

"Zaria? Zaria? Are you okay.. 

Say something... Don't sleep keep your eyes open don't worry I will call for help"

'Please don't leave me please don't leave me'

I cry...

"Don't worry Zaria I have taken care of that pig..he is not going to get up any time soon and besides I will call the police after I have gotten you an ambulance! It will be alright!"

Chapter 4:

I wake up in the hospital, and I wonder how I got there? 

I am in pain. My right arm and shoulder is in a cast. My jaw feels as though it has been wired shut, and it has. I feel pain all over.. I can barely speak. 

I start to cry and cry...my thoughts imagine this must be a nightmare.. How can this be?

I never thought my life would come to this??

I only worked hard to get to wherever I wanted to go..no one gave me anything.

No one helped.  

Alone I climbed the mountains.

My God why?

I am heavily sedated a fall back to sleep.. The pain.. The ringing in my ear, the blurred vision.  

I endured for weeks. 

The time passed. Slowly. The flowers never got old the fruits we always fresh even though I didn't eat the fruit. I could not. My jaw was barely opening. 

Initially I was drip fed and then moved to a liquid diet. 

The routine was the same: in the morning Dr. Habib came in to see me with usually one trainee doctor, the nurse in charge and a support worker.

Every day same question: Zaria how are you my dear..

You are improving, the swelling on your face has gone down and the arm looks to be improving.. Our only concern at the moment is the fluid around your lunge.. We may need to drain it before it causes a problem..

How is the pain..? 

I could not respond and how did he expect me to answer..

And he would end by saying;

"What beautiful flowers... What a lucky girl..who is this admirer of yours???"

And off he went.

I started to notice the flowers and the fruits. 

Who? Why? And almost always the same..

Two weeks had passed, so I was told. I was visited by my work colleagues, but I must not have been aware because of the sedatives and pain medicines. 

The police had come twice to explain the process of what would happen next. 

I was not well enough so they could not take a statement. 

I had no next of kin, no relatives in America and finally they had managed to contact my mother. 

How? I will never know.

My mother had never flown in an aeroplane and my company and the police would work with the state department to ensure she got the visa to come over fast. 

So I was alone..well so I thought? 

But the flowers...

Chapter 5

The nurse Lucy the Irish American would always check into my side room and smell the flowers and one time I beckoned her over and pointed out the flowers as to ask 'from who?'

She smile....she knew that in my mind I was puzzled by this and it was beginning to bother me.  Each morning there the flowers stood when I woke up..

"Zaria, I don't expect you to remember so soon. But the guy who rescued you from the man who was trying to harm you??

Well they are from him...He works the night shift and on his break late at night he passes by and asks us to give them to you..he always asks how you are doing..everyday he has not stopped!"

Yes! For a moment I tried to picture his face. Surprisingly it was not a struggle.

He was the security guard to our office building... I never thought much of him. 

But not him...He tried always to engage me conversation. He would smile at me.

 'Good morning Zaria.'

Good morning Zaria you look beautiful today! That colour suits you..

One time he asked me where I was from and I recall being really cold to him and telling him it had nothing to do with him where I came from..

"Excuse me Joe or Joseph whatever people call you. I think you are getting over familiar with me. I am division head. So show me that respect. Never in a month of Sundays will I ever go on date with you. Besides I am not into black guys anyway. I would prefer it if you called me miss Zaria Nabila or Miss Zaria. Thank you'

From that time on he kept a respectful distance. I saw that it dented his happiness. 

Always good morning ma'am. Nothing more. 

I was with Kevin at that time and nothing really mattered more than him... I could not care less about an African American security guard who liked me. 

Why should I lower my standards and be with a poorly educated American.? This is what I thought then..

Now I looked at the flowers and cried...

Another why? 

The man I had treated in the most horrible way became the man who saved my life and now the only one who cared what happens to me in this great city..

I felt alone. 

I was alone and was lonely. My health made me see this..in crisis I was faced with this.

I was beautiful...but alone

I was intelligent.. But alone

I had power and wealth... But alone

But Joseph who had meant nothing to me...

But just Joseph? Who was he ? What does he want from me?

But Joseph! I needed to see him to speak to him..to hold his hand and feel his heart..

Joseph..

Chapter 6